Sailor Redneck
by Pandoras-Closet
Summary: The two spamfics that would become "Different, But Still The Same"


It is said that every action creates a new timeline for every possible result of that action  
  
Only slightly less so then Ranma Saotome, the saga of five teenage girls known as the Senshi has been played out on many different worlds and many different ways. However, at the core, it has always been the same...  
  
*********************  
  
Arkansas, 1992  
  
Jadeite, Lord General of the Negaverse, laughed softly as his youma sacked the small town. Queen Beryl had wanted to send more, but for a town this small, Jadeite had been sure that one was all he needed.  
  
The Youma's name was Braze. He looked like a humanoid lizard dressed in armor with curved metal blades attached to his forearms. He wasn't very strong, but for humans, he was sufficient.  
  
A spray of blood and a strangled, gurgling scream announced that Braze was amusing himself again and Jeddite sent a chastising thought. Braze's reaction was apologetic and he returned to harvesting energy.  
  
'No focus in today's Youma,' Jeddite thought to himself. 'None at all. Metallia's Teeth, I can remember when a youma actually focused it's energy on doing it's job and-'  
  
At that moment, a vehicle that the humans called pickup truck slammed into Braze. It was painted in several colors and dented along the front. The driver's side opened, and a woman stepped out. She was young, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a red and white shirt and very short blue shorts. She was barefoot, a pistol hung on her hip, and she held a shotgun in one hand. At her side stood a big dog, the yellow cresenct moon on its forehead shining brightly against it's black fur and a weary expression on it's face. Grinning at Jadeite, the young woman aimed the shotgun at Jadeite with one hand and with that same hand, pulled the trigger.  
  
Welcome to the world of the Redneck Senshi.  
  
*********************  
  
Part 2: "I can't believe they did it to me again!" Jeddite raged, pacing back and forth in the common room. "Every, single, time, there they are with their stupid grins, and those blasted weapons!" He grabbed a vase and went to throw it across the room when Beryl's voice froze him in his tracks  
  
"If you so much as chip that, dear, I'll make you castrate yourself," she said from her chair where she was mending a hole in Nephlite's tunic. The motherly queen of the Dark Kingdom glanced up at him, the lamplight glittering off her spectacles.  
  
Jeddite carefully set the vase down.  
  
****  
  
"So you see, Bunny, by multiplying two into fourteen seven times, you get seven." Bunny stared at her blankly. The blue haired-girl blinked and then sighed. "Y'all got a pig pen and a run area," she said. "Iffen y'all want to excercise firteen pigs two at a time, you need to use the run seven times."  
  
"Oh," Bunny said with a smile. "Why didn't you say so?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
Bunny shook her head. Amy Lynn was from up north, where they had things like Traffic Lights and she tended to use funny words.  
  
****  
  
"What did you say?" Bunny demanded.  
  
Melvin Furnuckle pushed his glasses up his nose. "Just that she can wrassle gators better then anyone."  
  
Bunny glared over at the tall, brown-haired girl on the other side of the schoolhouse. "We'll see 'bout that," she growled. "T'aint no better gator wrassler then me."  
  
****  
  
The five girls stared at the big dog seated on Mina's bed.  
  
"Greenland?" Raye-Ann repeated. She turned to the only other blond in the room besides Bunny. "Taint that where Farmer Cushburn caught that big trout that hangs in the general store?"  
  
Mina blinked at her. "Nah. Greenland's where all them Emviriusmentalists are."  
  
"Yer both wrong," Lilly insisted. "Greenland is where them little green men come from."  
  
"Green Men?" Bunny asked. "Like the ones that carved up Mister Jonson's cattle like a Thanksgivin turkey one night last summer?"  
  
Amy Lynn put her head in her hands groaned, and reached for the industrial strength Excedrin that lately, had been her constant companion.  
  
***************  
  
Author's Note: In July of 2002, I woke up and two words leaped into my brain; Sailor Redneck. After some thought, I wrote part one and posted it to the FFML as a spamfic, just for laughs.  
  
And Laughs I got. Feeling emboldened, I wrote part two and again, there was much laughter.  
  
Heck, one guy even sent me a very lengthy piece on what kind of guns and stuff each Senshi should have.  
  
So, figuring I could at least use something from all those Jeff Foxworthy CD's, I took the two ideas you just read wrote "Different, But Still The Same."  
  
And there you go. 


End file.
